Why can't I get my narcissistic "ex-marriage" out of my head after more than 8 years since my exchange as well as the alienation of the child? Part 1

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This question, like all the others, was also put to me in writing. It, too, concerns the overarching theme of "mental processing".

The principle of mental processing

The soul processes ("digests") slights, losses, injuries, shocks, traumas, i.e. everything that more or less puts us out of our inner balance by letting us "chew on it". This shows itself in the fact that thoughts, images, memories and feelings keep rising up in us and occupying us. Preferably, of course, whenever it gets quiet around us. We then feel almost haunted by the unprocessed topic.

An example

Here's an everyday example that I use here in my blogs all the time and that you may already be familiar with:
If someone has insulted us in the morning, the thoughts of this always rise up in us when we are idle during the day. If the day is packed with activities and there is no rest until bedtime, the thoughts of our fellow human being's morning insolence rise in us at the latest when we lie in bed and the light goes out. Our soul then thinks to itself, "Bingo, finally I have the necessary time and peace to process what I have experienced and to restore my inner order". Then, of course, there is no more sleeping. We toss and turn in bed and can't switch off.

Why is this so? Mental processing only takes place in the closest contact with the subject of processing. This is exactly the reason why grieving people are usually drawn to the grave. It is also the reason why our need to share increases as soon as we have experienced something extraordinary. "A sorrow shared is a sorrow halved" is the popular saying. Because even in a trusting conversation we are in contact with our subject and processing takes place. We usually feel better afterwards.

Continue to Part 2: Do we also have to process beautiful experiences?